Lately I’ve just been so burnt out. There really aren’t enough hours in the day.
I just can’t keep up.
For a very patient person, my patience’s has been thin lately. Juggling all our rolls is tough.
I don’t know how some make it look so easy.
Mom life
Wife life
Full time working life
Plus all the small things in between. It’s exhausting.
I yell more than usual which is no fun. But when you have a preschooler who “knows everything” and a toddler who is a pure wild child, it happens.
I feel like I’m either asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow or laying wide awake at night feeling guilty about not playing enough or not finishing the laundry or just knowing my head wasn’t in the right place that day.
I know this is just a temporary phase but sometimes even though I have all the help in the world which I am so grateful and blessed to have, I still feel alone sometimes.
Anyone else?
It just feels like you have so much on your shoulders and even when the weight is a little bit lifted, something else comes long.
I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.
I guess I’m just trying to say is that, I see you.
I see how exhausted you are.
I see how guilty you feel when you have a bad mom day.
I see the work you put in to your family and your life.
I see how hard you try every day.
I get that sometimes that’s all you want.
To be seen.
For everyone to know how hard you try.
I see all you mama’s out there and I hope you know how great of a job you’re doing.
How all these sleepless nights and tired days and exhausted body’s are worth it.
Spring is upon us and with that comes Spring break!
Even though my son and daughter are still super young, I still think of Spring as the start of fun activities school aged or not.
We can finally get outside and play. Bring on the mud and grass stained clothes because I am so ready!
Today I thought I would share some great Spring break activities that you can do as a family, that still is a little more social distanced.
1. Break out the bubbles.
Just like bubble wrap, I feel like you’re never too old for bubbles! Bubbles are such a great inexpensive activity. You can make big bubbles, get a bubble machine or make some fun in a bin with bubbles and water. Definitely a great outdoor activity for the kids.
2. Take a day trip.
I love making a day out of a fun activity. We recently went to an indoor water park and my son had a blast. Even a trip to your local library or just finding in town activities to do are great as well!
3. Have a family movie night.
You can never go wrong with a movie night. One of my favorite things to do. Make some popcorn, set up a snack bar or ice cream station. Make some homemade icee’s. So much fun can come from a movie night.
4. Paint a masterpiece.
Painting is such a great activity no matter what age! Get creative with it and there’s so many things you could come up with! Or grab your chalk and head outside to chalk paint.
5. Have an outside adventure.
Check out your favorite trail, rock hunt at the beach, ride bikes, go rollerblading. Head to the park. Outside adventures are what I’m most excited about as the days get longer and hopefully warmer.
6. Sensory bins.
There is so much you can do with sensory bins and they are a hit at any age as well! I have lots of water bin ideas in mind for my son this Spring.
7. Fly a kite.
Spring is so perfect for kite flying! It can still be windy so get to the park and run around with a kite!
Let’s make this Spring a great one and enjoy it as much as we can! I know we all and definitely our kids need it!
What’s your favorite thing about Spring? Mine would be everything blooming and the excitement that Summer is coming.
Hey Friends! I wanted to do something fun today and kind of a get to know me type post! I love reading these and wanted to share some things about me.
1. I am TOO optimistic! The glass is always half full in my greener pastures! Everything is sunshine an rainbows 99% of the time.
2. I wanted to be an algebra teacher. I know it sounds super crazy but math was always my favorite subject!
3. I performed in plays throughout my childhood until I was a senior in high school! My favorite was Anita from West Side Story.
4. I married my husband when I was 18! We were BABIES (kind of still are)!
5. I HATE cooking, but LOVE baking! If I’m cooking it’s either a crock pot meal or something very simple, but I will bake you ANYTHING from scratch.
6. I hate winter! It was my favorite season for ever, until last year. Now I long for the days of summer!
7. My favorite color is green. More specifically lime green! The brighter, the better!
8. I used to play a TON of musical instruments! I played the tenor saxophone in band, I played a bit of piano, and guitar once I got older. My favorite instrument is the hammered dulcimer. Look it up if you’ve never heard or seen one.
9. I’m very strong willed! I try to speak my mind as much as possible and stand my ground.
10. Family is THE most important to me, but it’s always God first.
Believe it or not but I’m actually itching for the first really nice day to get here so I can open up the windows, put some rubber gloves on and do some major spring cleaning!
I’m here today to give you some everyday cleaning tips that will make it easier for you to keep your house up throughout the weeks.
In the winter I slack so much on these tips, it’s already dark by the time I get home from work and it’s the last thing I want to do on my days off. But when the days get longer and it’s still light out by 7pm, I get back in my groove.
Here’s my 5 everyday cleaning tips!
Get your laundry ready the day before.
This is a big one because I know we all secretly hate laundry! I’ll be honest though, I’m never ever fully caught up with laundry being a mom and then my husband and I’s clothes as well. I think maybe if I had a first floor laundry room instead of having to go up and down the stairs to the basement all day long, I would be happier. Enough of my laundry hate ranting though.
It makes it so much easier if you sort through your laundry the night before and get your piles ready, that way as soon as you wake up you can throw the first load in and just add to your other piles throughout the day. Instead of being up until 8pm finishing laundry, you’ll most likely be done by 2pm and that way you can have a glass of wine by 8pm 😉
Unload your dishwasher first thing in the morning.
I always unload my dishwasher before I leave for work or defiantly when I’m off. That way you’re just putting your dirty dishes in the dishwasher all day long and keeping your sink clean and dish free.
I LOVE a clean sink.
Plus it makes after dinner dishes so much easier to deal with. I don’t know about you but if I have a clean and dish free sink, I feel a whole lot better!
Make an every two day checklist.
I am a sucker for lists. I love lists. Grocery lists, everyday lists, work lists, CLEANING LISTS. List’s make my life easier and when I feel like I am slacking in the cleaning department and just dreading it because that means I’ll have to deep clean instead of the normal freshen up, I know I have to start making my every two day checklist again.
So basically you can do it however you want to. For me specifically my every two day checklist consists of..
Dusting
Vacuuming
Steam mop
and so on. You can make your list whatever you want but when it comes time for the weekend and if I’ve been doing that every two days then it makes cleaning the rest of the house sooo much easier and cuts down my time by a lot.
Do a mini cleaning pick up each night.
I’m sure a lot of you mama’s have this on your list. Toy’s usually get scattered all around the house. My son loves his toys everywhere and so does my puppy.
Every night I do a mini pick up. I fold up all the blankets, pick up all the toys, put away all the chargers and smart device’s used that day. Clean up the kitchen and coffee table. I just do a quick sweep of everything that got used a lot that day before I go to bed so I wake up more refreshed and not staring at a big huge mess.
Trust me though, it doesn’t happen every single night!
Clean your countertops and used tables everyday.
The last thing I try to do everyday is wipe down my countertops, kitchen table and coffee table. They are used the most throughout the day so no matter what there’s always crumbs or some kind of weird stain on them. I just like to do that everyday to keep them fresh and clean since they are some of the first things you go to when you wake up or when you get home.
Those are my everyday cleaning tips I have for you that I, myself do. I hope you enjoyed this post and I wish you all good luck in the Spring cleaning phase that’s coming!
I know I have so much decluttering to do especially in the clothes and toy area.
What are some of your cleaning tips you use daily?
I also have a free weekly cleaning checklist down below you can download and use this Spring! I’m sure excited about it.
Do you ever wonder what life could be like without comparing yourself to anyone else?
Well, I think it’s time for us moms to stop trying to live up to everyone else and just be ourselves!
Yup! You heard that right, my friend, just be ourselves. Not our neighbor, not our co-worker, not our mom, sister or best friend and just be ourselves.
Friends, your authentic self is the only one I want to be around.
Your authentic stories are the only stories I want to hear. I want to experience the downright ugly parts of your soul as well as all of your triumphs.
I want to cheer for all of your children’s amazing adventures and goals being reached but also gasp at how awful they have been behaving on a daily basis.
So can we make a deal as moms?
Can we stop comparing and rather live our lives as our true selves? Can we stop attempting to live up to all of the online parenting tips, that are often way too hard to attain and allow ourselves to make up our own parenting rules… the rules that work for our family? And rules that take into careful consideration each child living within our unique household.
And please, for our own sanity, can we please stop attempting to live life as a generic woman?
We are all molded, as our own unique selves, but somewhere along the way I think many of us forgot that truth. Or maybe society started to tell us how to behave, how to dress, what our homes should look like and how our children should behave.
But we need to stop this nonsense and just be…
So how do we do this?
It’s not an easy task, let me tell you.
But one thing I know is this…if we all support one another it will be much easier to live as our authentic selves.
Upon a lot of reflection, and there has been a great deal the past year, I have come up with three ways to start living life as our authentic selves.
Take time for reflection:
Set aside a quiet moment or maybe twenty minutes alone, no distractions, just time with good old fashioned silence.
It’s powerful! Within this time, think about you… not the burnt waffles this morning, the four loads of laundry waiting to be folded, a conference call at noon and how you are in desperate need of a haircut. This is a moment for you to delve deep and remember who you are. What are your dreams? Your goals? Desires? What makes you happy? Truly happy? Have you been hiding anything lately? Pushing it away or numbing the pain? And most importantly how do you love yourself best?
I found it helpful to listen to my inner soul quietly and reflect, then write out my thoughts on paper.
My paper was a mess. There were words all over and not organized at all but it was a start.
The simple act of writing out these thoughts was bringing me back to my true self.
If I couldn’t recall who I truly was, how was I going to be able to live a life of authenticity?
2. Putting into action a part once lost.
Remember the reflection time where you made a list? Well, now it’s time to choose one or how many you are comfortable with and begin to bring them to light again.
For me, I knew my true self was a writer. It was my passion and the only way I could express myself as the honest woman I wanted to live. So, day by day I started to write more.
At first I began writing down some thoughts, which then lead to poetry… I forgot how much I loved poetry. I eventually realized it was time to take the next step and really let my true self out of the dark and start to share my authentic self, the writer in me. So for me, as scary as it was it meant starting a blog. My friends, for each of us the experience will be different, the time frame will not be the same but one piece will be constant for all of us and that is becoming the women we are meant to be… our true authentic selves.
So I urge you to take action with your list. Don’t let it sit there in a drawer or in the notes on your phone. Take the leap and call into action one or more of the amazing parts of yourself and let it take hold. You may be amazed at how far you will go.
3. Make peace:
Finding one’s self is not always an easy task. For some of us the thoughts of who we truly are may be easy to find, but for others, muddling through the murky waters of our own self can be daunting. I’m confident though, we can do this as long as we make peace with who we truly are as ourselves and love ourselves more than we expect any other person to love us.
It’s time, my friends, to live our lives fully and to the capacity which works for us… not for the comparison of what we see on HGTV or Pinterest, not for the comparison of ourselves and the other mom at the playground and how she parents. It doesn’t mean we are selfish. It doesn’t mean we should feel any mom guilt. It simply means we should be proud to finally show off our true authentic selves and the phenomenal women we are.
So friends, I pinky promise you this… our authentic selves will bring about more light than we ever imagined and what a blessing for our loved ones to experience. They will be blessed beyond measure with a woman who loves herself and radiates it out for the world to see.
Ali Flynn lives in New York with her four teenage daughters and husband. She is excited to share with you the joys and hardships of motherhood with an open heart, laughter and some tears. Ali is a monthly guest contributor for Westchester County Moms and has been seen on Filter Free Parents, Grown and Flown, Today Parents, The Mighty, Her View From Home and His View From Home, where she shares inspirational stories about motherhood while keeping it real.
Being a mom feels like a full time job in itself, but last November I had to take the leap back into the working world. I work only three days a week but so far it’s been a good way to get out of the house, especially with the lockdowns going on, and I definitely think it’s helped this time around to be a little bit less difficult that the first one. It did take me a while though to try and strike the perfect balance with being a working mom. Here’s a few things that I’ve found helpful.
1. Leave work at work. I’ll give an example of this. I had an exceptionally stressful day on Friday, I was so stressed all day about something that I felt sick to my stomach and was tempted to ask to go home, but we all know with Covid going on that’s not something that’s taken lightly anymore. When I left work, I put on some loud upbeat music for my drive home, gave my husband and Baby T big hugs and grabbed a glass of wine. It took me a while to wind down, but eventually I managed to put the whole day behind me and enjoy the time with my family. Also, I don’t have a work phone that I bring home with me, but another thing I always thought was a good idea was something my mom did when she was working. She would turn off her work phone at 6pm when she clocked out and put it on a charger in her home office where she couldn’t check it again until 8am the next day when she started. It really helped her to keep her work separate even though she worked from home.
2. Cooking and eating dinner with my family. When I say I cook, I mean I am the sous chef for my husband who is a way better cook that I am. We spend the time after work in the kitchen together with Baby T in her high chair watching us and upbeat music playing. I give her some of the non sharp kitchen utensils to play with to keep her entertained, then we all sit down together at the table to eat. It’s a routine we started since I’ve been back to work and it’s probably one of my favourites because it’s a time for us to talk about our days and watch Baby T play with her food which is funnier than you would think. We have been trying lately to make sure we don’t look at our phones, a bad habit we have both unfortunately started, but it has definitely helped the conversation to be more free flowing.
3. Making the most of the weekends. The weekends are such a fun time to plan an activity together as a family and just enjoy each others company. I get to spend a few days with Baby T by myself during the week but having my husband home for two whole days has become my favourite part. Obviously right now we can’t really go out and do much, but if the weather is nice enough we’ll bundle up for the cold Ontario winter and go for a walk to the park, or a drive to pick up our online-ordered groceries. Baby T also loves mixing things in the kitchen so we’ve starting baking together, especially things that are easy for her to help us with (like three ingredient Peanut Butter Banana Cookies that I will definitely share the recipe for). Even after Baby T goes to bed, my husband and I make the most of our evenings together by ordering a late take out dinner for two, watching our favourite TV shows or playing card games.
4. Lowering my standards. Did I really just write that? I guess I did. This one was a tough pill to swallow for me, I am a very OCD person with keeping my house neat and tidy all the time. One thing I learned since becoming a mom is that it’s not possible to keep it that clean when you have baby, especially when they start walking and running around the house, pulling things out of drawers and throwing toys that you just put away all over the place. I really had to lower my standards because I started burning out very easily trying to get everything done in a day. One thing I found really helpful, was making a list of my main chores that need to be done weekly and assigning one, maybe two, to a day, so that I knew what was already done by the weekend and wasn’t running around like a crazy person trying to do it all. I still have standards that might be a little higher than a normal person’s but I’ve learned to not stress as much if I don’t meet them all the time. Even as I write this I’m staring at a basket of unfolded laundry, and a while ago I would fold laundry until I fell asleep to get it all done, but now I’m just gonna save it for tomorrow and I’m okay with that.
5. Giving myself time to rest. Like I said above, I found I was burning out pretty quickly after working, taking care of Baby T and getting her off to bed, and doing the housework. I would be disappointed and frustrated if I didn’t get everything done. I started to force myself to sit down and relax in the evenings, which looks a little bit different for everyone, but for me it means watching tv, reading a book, writing some blogs, playing video games (yes, my husband calls me a big nerd for that one) and of course, pouring a nice glass of wine.
These are all things that have really helped me to find the balance with working part time and being a mom to the point where I really feel like I have the best of both worlds. Even in a difficult time like a lockdown I still find myself enjoying both my time at work and my time with my family. If you have more tips to share I’d love to hear them in the comments below!
Thank you so much to Evangelyn Tavares for guest posting!
Fun little tid bit about me, I am a total book worm. Before having my kids, any free time I had usually consisted of writing and reading. My favorite hobbies by far and every chance I get, my nose is in a book.
Tell me if you can relate but I feel like whenever you finish a really good book, sometimes you are just at a loss. You connect so well with the characters, you go through their journey with them and then just like that, it’s all over and you feel like you just lost a friend.
Books to me are so powerful, I love all the emotions you can get just from reading one book. You can laugh with the characters, you can cry with them and feel their pain and their heartbreak. There’s nothing better to me than an emotional book, I am a sucker for them. Books to me are like my safe haven. Ever since I was little if I just wanted to get away or just clear my mind from whatever was going on, my first instinct was to grab my favorite book and curl up and get lost in it. I love the connection it gives you, it takes your mind right to where the author decided you should be.
“When reading, we don’t fall in love with the characters appearance. We fall in love with their words, their thoughts, and their hearts. We fall in love with their souls.”
Another confession, I’ve always wished I had the talent and creativity to create a story that the reading world would love, to connect your readers to the characters you have fallen so in love with as you’ve created them and come to know them. That has to be the best reward as an author, to listen to your readers feedback. To find out who their favorite characters were, or what book boyfriend they love the most (we all have one!) I love when I find a book and find out the author actually cried while writing it, just the emotional bond we all find with books is amazing to me.
“We lose ourselves in books, we find ourselves there too.”
We book lovers feel emotions like no other, in the way we interpret words, in the way that our hearts and mind follow whatever story we are into. I love finding characters who relate to what i’m feeling, just like when you hear a song that just tells your story, some characters just tell our own stories so well in their own words. Let’s keep connecting and keep feeling every chance we get, I will always find my safe haven in a good ol’ book.
I really hope my kids find a love for books. Right now they really love them and learning new things from each book they have which as a mom and as a bookworm, makes me so happy!
Throw a mortgage, kids, pets, so many responsibilities into the mix and it’s even harder.
You see these fairytale pictures and you think, I want that!
I want the smiling faces 24/7. The cuddles. The date nights, the attention. The fun.
Of course you want it all.
The thing is though, it’s all about comprise. A little give and a little take. A LOT of communication.
All that fancy stuff up there, that’s not even the most important parts. It’s the foundation that’s important and that’s what is built on all the things said above.
So I came home the other day already annoyed from working all day. (I hate when that happens)
So any little thing my husband said I already was prepared to make it into a “thing”.
And if you know me at all, you would know I really don’t like being negative. I don’t like conflict, I don’t like getting worked up. It’s just not my personality. Sometimes I do though because I am human, and who do I take it out on most?
You got it, my husband.
I think all of our spouses get the blunt of our moods, unfortunately.
So I was waiting, and just like I thought, he said something that irritated me and so it began.
We went to bed that night both stewing instead of a good night kiss.
And you know what? When I was laying there replaying it all, I thought it doesn’t even matter who’s right and who’s wrong.
Isn’t that what it’s usually about anyway? Which one was in the wrong.
I wasted a whole night being irritated and sassy and what for?
Nothing.
So a few lessons I’ve learned since then.
1. Never go to bed angry
It’s obviously going to happen a time or two but it’s the worst! You don’t sleep good, you wake up feeling sad or mad still or mostly just regretful. Take the time to talk it out calmly before your eyes close for the night. Give that good night kiss or hug. It’s not worth it not to.
2. Realize your partner will do things differently than you.
Even if it’s folding the laundry or doing the dishes or putting things away or doing bath night with the kiddos. Everyone does things differently and that’s ok. Don’t get frustrated, just be grateful for the help. For the support and that you have someone with you to tackle this life with.
3. Don’t talk negative about your partner to others.
This is such a huge thing. I get it, you just get into a fight and the first thing you want to do is call your best friend and just complain. Stop for a second and take a breather. Go do something to keep your mind busy. Write your feelings down. The worst thing you could do is talk down about your partner in this life.
4. Have fun.
Everything doesn’t have to be serious and grown up talk all the time. I know it’s hard to get out and about in this time in our lives but make sure you still have fun together. Laugh together. Love together. That’s what it’s all about!
So next time I come home irritated and just drained from the day or week I’ll remember all these lessons I’ve learned and tell myself that no matter what it doesn’t matter who’s right or who’s wrong.
What are some tips you use to keep your marriage healthy?
I am celebrating 10 years of being a mom this week! I still remember the moment that I first looked into our little girls big eyes. It’s crazy how fast that time flies!
This week I wanted to tell you my top 5 beauty must haves. If there is one thing that I’ve learned in the past decade of “momming”, it’s that some time self-care isn’t a long luxurious bubble bath, or a day trip to the spa. Sometimes it’s simply getting your self presentable within the 10 minutes you have before bolting out the door in the morning.
Revlon One-Step
This little device has changed my life SIGNIFICANTLY! It has literally knocked a half an hour of time off my routine. I had asked my husband to get it for me for my birthday, and he did, and I have used it every day since. The best thing about it was I could dry and style my hair at one time, and for being a busy lady, it drastically improved my life!
Nuetrogena Hydro-Boost Line
I cannot recommend this product line more! I started using the moisturizer the moment it came out. I have dry skin, but in the winter it turns extremely dry! This line has literally saved my skin. It gives me that nice dewy glow without looking oily and greasy. It is perfect under makeup, but quite honestly it’s made me comfortable in my own skin too. That’s a lot of pressure for a product!
Vaseline
I think Vaseline is a very under rated product. I use it for literally everything! Lips, eyebrows, even on my cheek bones to give an extra glow. My hands have been dry and cracking for the past year now, and at night time I will coat the top of my hands. So soothing!
Good Concealer
I don’t use foundation anymore. Even before masks over took our faces. I started buying a good concealer. I started with Tarte Shape Tape, and then Elf came out with a dupe. It’s the 16h Camo Concealer. I honestly can’t tell a difference, but I’m no expert. I just apply under my eyes, depending on how dark the circles are, blend it out, and go!
Wow, I’m not going to lie. I totally inteded doing my top 5, but it’s “mid winter break” and they are still responsible for school work “virtually”.
A Positive, Empowering Approach to sibling Conflict
by Isobel Mary Champion, Parenting Coach (aka The Mummy and Toddler Calmer!)
It is important to try to forge a positive relationship between siblings early on. The relationship between siblings will probably be the longest relationship of their lifetime, and they need to know that they are playing for the same team (not batting for opposite sides!).
Be the team coach!
Having spent over a decade working as a top London nanny (yes, I am a real-life Mary Poppins, and yes, I do have a magical bag full of everything everybody could possibly need!), caring for groups of siblings numbering up to six, I can tell you for a fact that looking after siblings is hardly ever easy! But it is such an important job, and such an important role to play, because siblings are their own little team, and more than anything they need a good team coach. They need tolearn to protect each other, defend each other, and care for each other. They need to know that family comes first! But they also need individual space, individual possessions, individual interests, and room to develop individual personalities. They need to learn that It is ok to be different. Learning to grow as a team outside and inside the home will be a bumpy ride, but as long as you have your positive coaching hat on, you should be able to lead them in the right direction, and empower them to be their best as individuals, and as a team!
Let them play rough sometimes!
Your home environment is your kids’ rehearsal space for the outside world, and this is often where much of the conflict between siblings arises. The home is their safe space for practicing the situations and conflicts that they may come across in the real world – therefore you will often find them honing their skills in arguing, fighting, name-calling and roughhousing! This does not mean you are failing as a parent, or that your team leadership skills are not working! This is natural, your offspring are practising for survival in the outside world- think lion cubs play-fighting in the safety of the family unit. As long as this play-fighting is supervised andtakes place in a controlled environment, and is gentle enough that nobody gets any real scars, try not to worry too much! Gentleness and empathy can be taught go hand in hand with a little rough-play and arguing.
Things will change over time!
The numbers and ages of siblings can raise or lower the conflict stakes (this will be fluid and will naturally change over time), and individual personalities will come into play. One group of siblings is totally unlike any other, and your little gang will require a different team management strategy from that of your friends and neighbours! The grass may be greener on the other side, but no doubt your neighbours are peering over thinking just the same thing! As a parent there is only so much you can do – the personality, temperament and developmental stage of each child will play a big part. Think back to your own childhood, and your own siblings. What was the power balance like? Who was the leader? Who had the strongest personality? Where were the alliances? And did things change over the decades? How about now? Are those relationships the same, or have they transformed or blossomed into something new?
Go Team!
Just try to remember – you are not the referee (keeping score and issuing penalties), you are the team coach! Think of your little crew as a sports team, or a boyband on tour. Your goal is to make them perform as best as possible as a group, to teach them strategies for good sportsmanship, personal growth, group ambition, and resilience in the face of disappointment – and to share your own wisdom and experience with them. But you have to acknowledge that it’s not always going to be perfect. There may be injuries, time-outs, one membermay leave the group and go off and start a solo career or join a rival team, but in the end the bonds between the team members will be strong enough to hold them together in the long run. Give yourself a pat on the back, and shout “Go Team!”!
Here are my 5 top tips for a positive, empowering approach to conflict resolution between siblings:
1. De-escalate
Your first job is to de-escalate the situation as quickly as possible. Charging in as a “peacemaker” with a loud voice and your finger pointing will only raise the conflict stakes, and give your children the wrong kind of attention (a shared desire for your attention might be the hidden cause of the conflict!). If you get angry and raise your voice, you will only provoke the “fight-or-flight” response, and risk making things worse. While it may feel like you are avoiding dealing with the issue, de-escalating is actually the most effective way to deal with the immediate problem. Don’t worry, you will address the conflict later when everybody has calmed down (see tip 5!).
Use Reason – a calm, firm, matter of fact explanation or resolution to the issue.o Use Humour – joke about it (encourage sense of humour!).
Use Distraction – turn their attention elsewhere (let’s Skype Grandma!).
Use Alternatives – offer a high value alternative (time for a movie?).
Use Food – if this has happened just before a mealtime, hunger might be the cause. Try giving them a breadstick!
2. Encourage apologies, empathy and affection
Encourage both siblings to apologise nicely (eye contact, kind voice, kind face) to each-other for their part in the conflict. Encourage them to give each-other a hug and a kiss on the cheek (nice for little ones), and make sure that the other is ok. Highlight any scratches or bruises that need extra care! Enlist their help in first aid if necessary! This will teach empathy skills and strengthen the bond between siblings.
3. Share the blame (and the punishment!)
Don’t always blame one sibling, especially if he or she has been exhibiting more challenging behaviour lately(sometimes the “good” or smaller (more innocent!) sibling is to blame! If you are dishing out a punishmentor consequence, share it between siblings (e.g. no TV for all, or they all have to pick up the toys on the floor!). This will not only encourage all siblings to behave better, but your children may even bond unexpectedly over a shared punishment! PLEASE NOTE: it takes two to have an argument! Even your most innocent little angel may not have been as innocent as you assume – even a cheeky pout can set off a battle given the right (or wrong!) circumstances!
4. Have a “Team Talk” later
Discuss what happened later when everybody is calm, quiet, and have full tummies! It can be nice to do this when you are all cosy together in your pyjamas (near bedtime?), or sharing a special treat together. Make sure to give all siblings affection and physical contact. Kindly and quietly bring up their dispute, and acknowledge that it wasn’t very nice for anybody, that you love them all very much, that they all love each-other, and that they need to look after each-other. Try asking them if they have any suggestions for how they could have managed their own behaviour better.
5. Anticipate conflict situations
If a situation is coming up where you can anticipate a conflict, try having a “Team Talk” beforehand (I always do this before playdates with a visiting guest of one sibling, or a multiple guest playdate!). This may sound a little corny, but imagine your family are a baseball team about to go out to bat, or a boyband about to go on stage. Take a quiet moment to have a team huddle, say some positive words, acknowledge that this might be tricky, give them some encouragement, tell them that you love them, and that you want them to do their best. Outline a strategy of what you would like them to do if tempers start to fray (e.g. come straight to you and speak quietly about the issue, rather than starting a fight). Add in a high-five and a group hug if you can manage it! This will start the situation off on a high for everybody, and is a good way to teach them leadership skills!
Good ground rules to set (for adults as well as children!):
1. No shouting
2. No interrupting
3. No hitting
4. No hurtful name-calling
5. Always take turns and share
Visit my Parenting Coaching website for more positive, holistic, empowering parenting solutions and guidance:www.isobelmarychampion.com
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Isobel Mary Champion, Parenting Coachwww.isobelmarychampion.com
Quirky Workin' Mom's 