Tag: Blog

Guest Post: Why Don’t Men Understand Mom Guilt.

~ quirkymoms486 ~ 6 Comments

“What is mom guilt?”

If you’re a mom, you have probably never asked this question. Because when you’re a mom, you know what mom guilt is.

It wasn’t until I wrote my book about mom guilt, Good Moms Don’t: Lies, Truths and How to Conquer Mom Guilt, that I started hearing the questions “What is mom guilt?” from men. Some of the men were even dads.

The first man who asked me was my publisher. He has a wife and three kids. The next man was a man from my critique group. He read every chapter of the book and still didn’t understand. In fact, he thought I should scrap the whole project and work on my surrogacy book instead.

It wasn’t until my boyfriend, Larry, asked me that question and another question that I started realizing that men just don’t get it. The other question was, “Why is it such a big deal?”

The “why is it such a big deal?” question is one I think a lot of people wonder also, but I answered that question in my blog What is the big deal about mom guilt?

I explained to Larry about the guilt I felt about my son’s babysitter being inappropriate with him. His response was, “That’s something you should feel least guilty about. There was no way you could have foreseen what she was going to do. Even statistically, women are less likely to molest children.”

My response, “That’s the thing I felt most guilty about. That’s what hurt him the most. That’s where I should have known better. That’s what I should have protected him from.”

All of this got me thinking about men not understanding mom guilt. So why don’t the?

I think the first reason is obvious. Men, aren’t moms. Even if they are a dad, they aren’t a mom. So it makes sense that they don’t understand mom guilt. If a man in your life doesn’t understand why you feel guilty, it doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care enough to understand. It simply means he’s not a mom, so he doesn’t get it.

Another reason men might not understand mom guilt is because men typically are more logical and women are more emotional. Larry proved that point to me. He looked at the babysitter situation logically. Is there any way I could have possibly known that a 12-year-old girl could hurt my son while babysitting him with her mother in the home? It’s pretty unlikely. 

The point I want to make is that men and women are different (duh!) but that difference doesn’t make one or the other wrong. Our differences are meant to complement one another, not shame one another. I bet if Larry and I had been dating at the time, I wouldn’t have created so much guilt around the situation with the babysitter because we would have talked about how I was feeling, and he would have shown me the logical side. I can’t say that for sure obviously, but that’s the type of relationship we have and I always feel better after we talk things through.

Do you need support with mom guilt? I’m here to help. Check out Good Moms Don’t: Lies, Truths and How to Conquer Mom Guilt  or if you’d like to go more in-depth, schedule a free coaching consultation call. I am passionate about helping women from the inside out. 

Until next time, Alysia
Life Coach
Make Up With the Mirror

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To The Little Boy Who Made Me A Mom.

~ quirkymoms486 ~ 39 Comments

To the little boy who made me a mom, 

I feel like it was just yesterday that I saw those two lines on the pregnancy test. 

When the kicks and the excitement of hearing your heartbeat was like no other feeling.

When my water broke and your daddy and I had a panic attack thinking, “this is really happening. We are parents.” 

When I held you in my arms for the first time. 

When daddy and I were wondering how in the world we were going to be able to do this at home on our own. 

Your sweet smiles and cuddles have been the absolute light of each day. 

Watching you grow and learn and be the sweet, outspoken, adventurous little boy that you are has been the best ever. 

Through these uncertain times, you and your daddy have been the constant joy I needed. And I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous for you to grow up in this world. 

As we approach your first birthday on Friday (silently crying) I can’t help but think of all the things I want to teach you.

You’re so sweet and innocent and I love being a mommy to such a precious, wild boy. As you grow I want you to know things, especially in the world we are living in now and even more so when you are older.

Your feelings matter. You matter and don’t ever forget that. 

Dream big and chase those dreams because we will always be there chasing them with you. 

Be kind. Always. People will always remember the way you treated them. 

Treat everyone equally and don’t be afraid to. 

Be whoever and whatever you want to be. You are forever supported. 

No always means no, no matter what. 

Stand up for what you believe in, your voice is always heard.

Use the words, “I love you” wisely. Three small words that have the biggest meaning. 

Choose good friends, they have such an impact on your life. 

Know that you will forever be loved, supported and taken care of, I promise you that.

I am so lucky to be your mama. I just want you to know that I will be there always, no matter what. 

I pinky promise. 

Love, 

Your mama 

Post COVID Blues

~ quirkymoms486 ~ 25 Comments

I know what you’re thinking! How could she be sad over this COVID pandemic “ending”?!

I’m not sad that it’s ending and life is getting more normal. I’m sad because I’m back to work. 40 hours a week gone from my family.

I can’t wake up and make a decent breakfast and sit down with my family and enjoy it.

I’m not outside hangin with the girls in the kiddie pool.

I’m getting home at 5 o’clock having to hurry and think what we’ll have for dinner knowing we’ll be getting take out anyway.

My kids have absolutely NO sleep routine. Actually no routine at all for anything.

My grocery bill is still through the roof. Actually all my bills are.

My house is NEVER clean because they’re home all day long.

Our weekends are washed away with the piles of laundry I can’t get to during the week.

I am grateful and thankful for my job. I love what I do, and I love the place I work.

I just find that I am struggling to get there a bit more these days knowing how wonderful that extra time was with my family.

Last weekend we went camping & it was 48 hours of family time. I cherished every moment because it doesn’t happen often.

Yes, I do think these “post-COVID blues” are a real thing and not many people are talking about it.

Are you feeling the struggle as well?!

Thanks for reading my short and sweet post.

Morning Coffee Chat.

~ quirkymoms486 ~ 40 Comments

Hi friends!

Monday mornings can be such a drag, especially after a Holiday weekend.

Luckily my son is being very good eating breakfast in his high-chair and letting me drink a HOT cup of coffee!

To be honest, I was having such a hard time thinking of what to write about for today’s blog post. Usually I have mine done far in advance but writer’s blog hit. My inspiration journal was just not doing it’s job and I couldn’t come up with a single thing I wanted to talk about.

So I thought for today, maybe we would just chat and get to know me a little better!

For those of you that are new, my names Amanda. I usually write the Monday posts here on Quirky Workin’ Moms.

I am 26 almost 27 in August. I’ve been married almost 2 years to a total sports fanatic that I have been with for 8 years! We have an adorable almost 1-year-old (silently crying while I say that) son who we just can’t get enough of! We are a pretty active family but most of the time you can find us on the couch watching The Office or Cheers on Netflix.

I am an avid reader and writer, I actually even have another blog more specific to the books I read called hanging with amanda. Anything romance or mystery/thriller is right up my alley. Even historical fiction as well!

I enjoy wine and margarita’s and the sunshine on my face. Fall is one of my favorite seasons, you can’t beat the beautiful colors in Michigan during the Fall. I absolutely LOVE dogs. We are hoping to get a golden retriever next year and it has me so excited.

Sweet Home Alabama and Legally Blonde are two of my fav movies. Every time Sweet Home Alabama is on TV you can usually find me stuffing my face with popcorn and chocolate.

The simple things in life like family and friends just make me so happy and that’s usually how I spend my days when I’m not working!

I’m just really happy we are connecting with so many other moms out there and bloggers like us! It’s been so much fun and we are just getting started! Plus today’s post marks our 20th one and that is exciting!

It’s time to heat up my second cup of coffee and get this little man of mine down for a nap.

Do we have anything in common? I would love to hear more about you all and your favorite things!

Thanks for chatting with me! 🙂


Top Favorite Summer Activities For You And The Kids!

~ quirkymoms486 ~ 20 Comments

I love summer! The sunshine and being outside all day truly does the body good.

The kids are out of school, and I FINALLY took some vacation time to enjoy these long summer days, and these warm summer nights. But what are you going to do with your vacation?

I love when we all go camping as a family. We have done a trip to St. Ignace to visit Mackinac Island, Port Austin to kayak around Turnip Rock, we even took a trip to our most favorite spot, Great Wolf Lodge in Ohio!

Summer Time is the best time to make lasting memories with your family. Some of my most favorite memories as a kid would be camping with my mom and my siblings, or showing animals at the local 4-H fair.

I wanted to share with you all some of my families favorite summer activities!

Swimming

We love to swim! We are surrounded by so many beautiful bodies of water, and we are so fortunate to live just miles from Lake Huron. We love a good beach day. Just us on our “secret” beach and some snacks. It’s like heaven on earth!

Camping

We love to camp! Just last weekend for Father’s Day, we decided to pitch the tent in the back yard. We love going to different camp grounds here in MI too! Michigan is so beautiful and there is so much to explore, camping can be a good low cost way to travel and see your home state. Our favorite part would probably be the s’mores though!

Which leads me to our next favorite activity…

Campfires

We probably have a fire going in our little pit 3-5 times per week. We don’t always have s’mores at the campfire, and maybe we’re just burning up some sticks after we picked up the yard, but we’ve made some great memories around the fire. We like to play little games like “Would you Rather?” or “Never have I Ever” while we sit around the fire. It’s such a good way to bond with our girls!

Slime Making

Our girls are little chemists, I’m telling you! Slime is the messiest, grossest, and hardest thing to clean, but the girls LOVE it! I need to buy stock in Elmers glue, and food dye. LOL! We are constantly making it, and most recently the girls found “Slime Baff”. Yes, you read that right. It’s a slime bath, and they can’t get enough of it!

Games

I went to Five Below, and picked up some fun outdoor activities! We got Velcro ball, a new basketball, a giant checker board, and a frisbee game. It’s not super expensive, but it keeps them occupied. We even made our own paper airplanes, and had a little race. Dad won of course!

Summer comes and goes so fast, so we really try to make the best of it. It’s hard during the week since both my husband and I work out of the home, but what ever time we do have with them, we make it count!

What are some of your favorite activities you do with your kids? Or if you don’t have kids, what do you enjoy doing?

5 Ways To Be More Present With Your Children.

~ quirkymoms486 ~ 45 Comments

I don’t want my children to view me from behind.

I say that because I think one of the hardest things about being a working mom is having to walk away to go to work.

My son is at the age where meltdowns have started and you could find me wiping tears from my eyes the other day when I had to leave for work and he cried and held his little chunky arms out for me.

Don’t get me wrong, working and being a mom is bittersweet. In one way it’s an outlet when you just need something for yourself and human interaction but on the other end it’s one of the hardest things because you feel like you aren’t present enough.

My son is 11-months-old so he is SO close to taking those first few steps and through this whole first year that was my worst fear, not being present for all those big milestones.

In this crazy life and these even crazier times I think that’s the one thing all of us moms struggle with, being present as much as we can. And I don’t mean just being in the same room. I mean in the moment, doing whatever silly things our kids are doing and just really being there!

We have work, we have laundry overflowing, a house to clean and everything else in the world to do but I am learning all those things are important, yes. But being with your children, making little memories takes the win!

So here are five great ways to be present for your kids.

Family Day/Outing.

My son is still little but I still love having a family day! I know in this pandemic it’s hard to get out and about but really, staying at home counts too! Get some burgers and hotdogs, start the grill. Turn on the sprinkler/splashpad. Have a pool day. Start a bonfire and indulge in tons of smore’s. Set up a projector in the backyard for a movie night. Go for a walk or to the park. Have a game night. Summertime is the easiest way to have family day’s so make the most of it!

Put Your Phone Away.

This is the biggest thing I am working on right now. Keeping my volume on incase of emergency but just setting it aside for the day. The last thing I want is my son to view me from behind a screen. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram can all wait until nap time or bedtime. I know how much of a struggle it is though, I am having a hard time staying away from my phone as well. Which makes me want to even more though, because it’s so sad how much these phones have taken over!

Find Fun House Chores Your Kids Will Help With.

I remember growing up, I used to love to help my nana clean up her house. I don’t know if it was because I was involved and felt like I was helping out but to this day I still enjoy cleaning! So find things your kids want to help you with around the house, even if it’s simple. You may be surprised at what they end up enjoying and helping with when given a chance!

Make Sure Your Ears Are Open.

I think one thing children want the most is for adults to listen to them. Like for us, communication is so important. Kids love to babble on about everything. Even our baby babbles, they love you to listen to them. To focus on them. Just listening is an easy way to be present with your children. Learn about their day, what they are thinking, even if it’s just for 10 minutes.

It also opens up that area of being able to know what is going on, especially with your teens. It gives you a chance to ask questions, and to just be involved. Listening is such a crucial thing when being a parent.

Self-Care.

You’ve probably seen a lot about self-care floating around lately. Have you ever had those days or weeks where your frustration takes over and you just can’t be there for anyone because you don’t even have time to be there for yourself? Yeah, me too! So that is why self-care plays such a huge role in parenting. To be able to be fully present with your children, to take care of them and do fun things with them you need to first take care of yourself.

Have a cup of coffee and turn your show on for an hour. Take a bubble bath. Read a book you’ve heard so many good things about. Buy a new outfit. Take a walk.

Self-care doesn’t have to be hard, and it really helps you focus back on what’s important, yourself and your family and not focus on the negative.

There are so many ways to be present with your kids. I am going to try my hardest to use all these tips and really make the most out of this Summer with my bub!

Giving our full attention to our children when we are home or spending a day with them should be easy, not hard!

Do you use any of these tips to be more present with your children?

If you have any other tips, please share them with us!

Top Five Genius Mom Hacks!

~ quirkymoms486 ~ 41 Comments

After becoming a mom, I love finding any useful hack that I can to make days just a little bit easier.

The days can be long with our kiddo’s but I am forever grateful for the genius mamas out there who have come up with some amazing mom hacks (Motherhood Sprouting)! I swear I spend lots of Pinterest time just scrolling through hacks and trying them out.

I will also tell you, my mind is blown by most of them.

So today I thought I would share with you the best mom hacks I have found and you will most likely be like me and think, HOW HAVE I NOT DONE THESE SOONER!?

Let’s check them out!

Bathe Your Baby In A Laundry Basket.

I know, I know sounds so weird! But I am telling you guys, I have huge anxiety about my wild 11 month old slipping in the tub and hitting his head so I have been trying to find the best way to give baths without an injury and when I saw this hack a lightbulb instantly went off in my mind.

THIS IS GENIOUS! And I can’t wait to try it because not only will it help with my slipping fear but his toys will stay right by him as well so he won’t try to venture out to get them.

Love Love Love Blog

Use Tape To Prevent Doors From Locking.

Another one of my fears as my son is getting taller and more curious is locking himself in a room! Right now he is so into climbing on doors and swinging them back and forth so once he starts walking around and can reach door knobs I am so using this hack to hopefully prevent any breaking down doors in the house.

Kids Activities Blog

DIY Stain Remover.

I just tried this on old sweet potato and carrot stains on my sons clothes and WOW! I am telling you genius, and so easy! No other stain remover that I tried to use fully got those orangey stains out so I am so happy I found this!

Mix a little and equal parts of hydrogen peroxide, dawn dish soap and baking soda together. Let it sit for a little bit and throw it in the washer! Magic, I am telling you 🙂

Attach Cupcake Holders To Your Popsicle Sticks.

It’s Summer and popsicles are all the rage with the kids. The sticky mess though afterwards? Not so fun, especially when you are out in public so how awesome is this hack? I can’t tell you how many unused cupcake holders I have sitting around so this is on my to-try list when giving my son his first popsicle.

Mom Loves Best

Put Water In A Pacifier And Freeze For Teething Relief.

Oh teething! THE WORST! My son started teething very early, as soon as he turned 4 months. He just turned 11 months and now has 8 teeth! So I can tell you, this is an awesome hack! Something to defiantly try on your teething baby.

Love Love Love Blog

Mom hacks can be total life-savers and we need as many as we can get.

Do you use any of these hacks yourself? Be sure to let us know the best hacks you have used that work.

Farmhouse Kitchen Makeover!

~ quirkymoms486 ~ 27 Comments

We have lived in our house for 7 years now. What?! Little by little I’ve redone a part of the house.

Over our “quarantine”, we did a mini kitchen renovation!

BEFORE

I have always loved the look of open shelving, but I always wondered where I’d put everything? Don’t worry, a little purge helped, and we have PLENTY of room!

Our kitchen is so small, but it serves its purpose.

First I took off the cabinets. I knew I wanted the cabinets higher to accommodate a shelf under them, so we removed one cabinet, for the open shelves, and made the other one touch the ceiling.

Then I ship lap’d the walls. Calling all Joanna Gaines lovers! She is so inspirational in her simple farmhouse decor, I couldn’t resist!

Then came the shelves…. my husband is a genius. He made sure they were all secure but also supported my vision.

He measured and cut the boards. We used 2×8’s for the shelves. I needed them to be sturdy to hold my heavy plates & cups. I bought brackets from Home Depot to hold up the shelves.

I stained them the natural color because I wanted it to be light and airy in the kitchen. Before it was so dark!

AFTER

Trying to decide on a light fixture was the hardest part. I had probably spent an hour between Lowe’s and Home Depot looking for the PERFECT light. It had to be bright, but also follow my “theme”.

Over all I’m so happy with the outcome.

I am currently remodeling the rest of the house. We know we eventually want to find a home a little farther out, but that’s pretty distant into the future, so now our little house is becoming our home!

I will keep posting my DIYs as I do them! Thanks for reading! 💕

Why You Need To Fight For Your Marriage.

~ quirkymoms486 ~ 30 Comments

It’s the end of the day.

My perfectly styled hair at some point in the day has been replaced by a messy bun.

My coffee energy has run out a long, long, longgg time ago.

My eyes are tired and as soon as I walk in the door and the baby see’s me, he will cry for me.

So I have to rush to change my clothes, rush to take the work day off of me.

I normally work later than my husband so I quickly grab my son with usually no more than a little hi to the man I promised to love forever.

I am exhausted, I have a baby to tend to, a decent meal to put on the table, and night time routines to get to.

And at the end of all that? All I can usually think of is how good my glass of white wine is going to taste when I get a chance to myself.

But I need to stop and take a breath.

I really need to learn how to do this, because the man sitting on the other side of the couch with a beer in his hand?

He’s had a long day too.

He’s came home from work and has had to quickly change and quickly wash the work day off of him so he can grab our son.

He’s had to quickly get some things done, quickly eat dinner and help with night time routines.

We are a team.

And you know what?

He deserves so much more than a quick hi when I get home and a couch buddy to wind-down with at night.

You always think your romance will never die. That even when you have kids you promise you will still have date nights and time to be alone together.

It’s so hard.

It’s hard to be a wife, and a husband, and a parent and an employee.

Life is just hard.

But you have to make it work. You have to fight for the communication, for the little bit of time when you are alone, for the date nights even if it’s one at home in front of the TV.

It’s easy to get lost in the chaos of everyday life. To think you just always have to go-go-go to feel worthy.

But you don’t, not always at least.

So next time I come home from work, tired and just thinking of that glass of wine waiting for me while I put my feet up on the couch…and maybe even rub them on my husband even though he hates it… 😉

I’m going to make sure I come home and quickly change my clothes, quickly take the work day off of me.

But slowly kiss my husband hello. Slowly take my son from him with a smile made just for my man.

Because he deserves it and you know what? I deserve it too.

And you need to fight for your marriage, even when there’s not a thing wrong with it.

Because at the end of every long day? After the kids are in bed? It’s always going to be just the two of you.

And that’s something worth fighting for.

Let’s Talk about Mom Friends…

~ quirkymoms486 ~ 25 Comments

This is always something I personally have struggled with.

Just think about it, a person that is going through the same thing you are at the moment. It’s 3 AM, and this is the fourth time you’ve been awake with the baby. You just WISH there was someone you could reach out to, someone that would understand the total body exhaustion you feel. Messy bun, yesterday’s makeup running down your cheeks because the tears streamed down your face, wet t-shirt from the spilled milk.

This is something that we STRIVE for. The perfect friend.

I’ve surrounded myself with so many people, it’s hard to say that I have that BEST friend. The person I tell all my secrets to.

For some people it’s your mom or sister. Someone you that has known you from the beginning of your life. Some one that understands every thing that has made you, you.

It could be the friend you met at the Mommy & Baby music class, at the downtown library. Kids who are the same age, and you know they would make a great long time friend to your daughter.

Maybe it’s your husbands coworkers wife. They are the couple who is older and wiser, and will always give you the best advice. Someone who you became friends with their whole family, and know that your village is getting bigger, and stronger.

Your high school best friend, that even though is worlds away, and when her world is completely different, you know she is always just a text or phone call away.

It could be a new friend. An unexpected friend. You know that she would never judge you, and would do anything to keep you and your family safe and happy.

The sister in law that is always there for your children no matter what. Someone you can share all of the best memories together. Watch each other’s kids grow up. Enjoy big life moments, like marriage, child birth, birthday’s and so much more.

And, your person. The person that chose you and you choose over and over. The one you know has seen all your darkest days, but will easily brighten them. The one you will do life with in the bad, and the good.

These are crazy times, and we all need that friend. So when I say “mom” friend, I don’t mean a friend that IS a mom. I mean any friend that you know you would never want to do life without.

These are my true friends. This is what my village is made of.

Love you friends. ❤️